All I Needed to Know I Learned on the Cattle Range

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman . . . neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:
• The few who learn by reading.
• The few who learn by observation.
• The majority of them who have to touch the electric fence to see if it's really on.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

12. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

13. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

14. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

15. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

16. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

17. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

18. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn their lesson.

19. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

20. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

(from Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On by Texas Bix Bender, http://www.ridersinthesky.com/tbb/)