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Clarification Of Corporate Lingo

Employer's Lingo:

• "COMPETITIVE SALARY" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
• "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" We have no time to train you.
• "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
• "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
• "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" Some time each night and some time each weekend.
• "DUTIES WILL VARY" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" We have no quality control.
• "CAREER-MINDED" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
• "APPLY IN PERSON" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
• "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
• "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
• "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
• "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
• "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.